So, you think you’d like to go check out the Netherlands, do you? Your friends have taken vacations there and have come back to tell you how awesome it is. Well, we’ve got news for you: They’re lying to you. There’s absolutely no good reason that you or anyone else should ever travel to the Netherlands for anything, not even for business, but most especially for a vacation. What’s that? You don’t believe us? You’d prefer to believe your friends and travel bloggers instead… Fine, we’ll prove it to you. Check out these 15 reasons that you should absolutely never travel to the Netherlands!
1. Culture. Who Needs It?
The absolutely last thing that you ever want to encounter when you'’re on a vacation is a new, vibrant culture! The unfamiliar can be frightening, and it’s much better if you’'re surrounded by the people, language, art, music, and environments that you'’re already accustomed to. There'’s simply too much in the way of new and interesting culture in the Netherlands to contend with. Sounds like work to us!
2. Amsterdam, More Like Amster-snooze
All right, we know that you have heard an awful lot about Amsterdam. You’ have probably seen some pictures of it, too. Well, Amsterdam is not all that it’s cracked up to be! Sure it’s full of plenty of interesting places to drink and smoke (we’ll get to that), and it’s home to some amazing restaurants. But, do you know what else it’s full of? Really old buildings. And, if there’'s one thing that’s boring, it’s a really old building. Take that Amster-snooze!
3. Bunch of Pot-Smoking Hippies
This is probably the reason that you’ have heard so much about Amsterdam. As we understand it, it’s incredibly easy to get your hands on all the marijuana you’'d ever want to smoke. In fact, they have bars that are specifically designed for the purpose of smoking it. You know what that means, right? Amsterdam is full of pot smoking hippies that like to laugh, eat food and have a good time. That is the absolute worst!
4. Too Much Cheese
This is fair warning for those of you out there who are lactose intolerant or suspect that you might be. The Netherlands makes some of the best cheese in the entire world! How awful is that for you? You’ will just be tempted as you move from storefront to storefront. All of those delicious cheese wedges, just staring you in the face, begging to be eaten. Even if you’'re not lactose intolerant, just think of all the calories! Better have a salad instead.
5. Too Much Fun
With all of the stuff going on in urban centers like Amsterdam, as well as in the many old-building-laden small towns that dot the landscape, the people of the Netherlands have a lot of fun. If you’'re the kind of person that just can’t stand to be around people who seem like they’'re having a better time than you are, this can make travelling around the Netherlands that absolute worst. Best to avoid the country altogether, then!
6. They Eat Outdoors
As a traveler makes their way from town to town in the Netherlands, they’'re going to notice something. There are a lot of restaurants that offer alfresco dining to their patrons. In fact, the natives of the Netherlands seem to prefer this method of dining. We think that’s rubbish! Restaurants should always be indoors! Who wants to enjoy sunshine and fresh air as they’'re sampling international cuisine? No one, that’'s who.
7. Who Wants to Ride a Bike?
If there’s a favorite pastime in the Netherlands, it’s riding bikes. You see, they have beautiful countryside with not-well-travelled roads lining it, as well as dirt paths and the like, where people can hop on the back of a bike to get around. Being on vacation is about relaxing! It’s not about getting exercise and pedaling up and down hills from windmill to windmill.
8. They Call Soccer “Football”
The Netherlands happens to be one of those countries in the world where soccer is the preferred sport. In fact, they don’t even call it soccer; they call it football. Now, you know what football is: It’s a sport where grown men in form-fitting pants run into one another at full speed in order to gain possession of an inflated piece of pigskin. It’s not a sport wherein people kick a checkered ball with their feet and a tie can be considered a victory. Gross!
9. Too Many Colors
Oh, we mentioned that countryside earlier. And, would'n’t you believe that it happens to be lined with amazing plants and flowers. When in season, the Netherlands happens to be one of the most colorful places in the entire world! We prefer our vacation destinations to be as monochromatic as possible, because we don’t want to feel even worse about how drab things can get back home.
10. The Women Are Too Beautiful!
If you’'re a single man on the prowl, then you absolutely 100% do not ever want to set foot in the Netherlands. Why? Well, it happens to home to some of the most beautiful women in the entire world. You might say that this is a good thing. But, put some thought into it man! A trip to the Netherlands is going to completely spoil you. How will you ever find someone that reaches that standard when you get back home? You won’t.
11. Wildlife? Come On, Now!
As if the plants and flowers were'n’t enough! The Netherlands also happens to be incredibly rich in animals. You see, they haven’t completely urbanized the environment, so there are large swaths of the country that still play hosts to natural habitats. It’s possible that you can travel to the beach and see deer grazing in the meadows nearby. It just sounds like one of those boring Renaissance paintings to us!
12. It’s Dark At Night
There’s another side effect to the lack of urbanization in the Netherlands – it can get really dark at night. This, of course, can make it quite hard to see if the moon’s not out. Even worse, when it’s that dark, you can look up into the night sky and see way more stars than you’'ve ever seen before in your entire life. This is yet another thing that'’s just going to make you feel worse about wherever it is that you call home.
13. There’'s No Budweiser
Here in the states we drinking our Budweiser, our Pabst Blue Ribbon, our Miller High Life, and all that swill and we like it! In the Netherlands, they simply don'’t care for our American beer. In fact, they think it’s garbage. Can you believe that snobbery! If you’'re going to go out drinking in the Netherlands, be prepared to drink amazingly crafted beer. It’s like they don’t understand what beer is all about – you'’re not supposed to enjoy it; it’s supposed to get you drunk.
14. Windmills!?!
And how can we forget the windmills? Oh, the windmills! If you’ve seen pictures of the Netherlands before, then we’re willing to bet that they included these. The landscape is dotted with them. Old windmills, that still function mind you. It’s like, “Come on Netherlands, can’t you hop into the 21st century already? Don'’t you realize that we burn coal and use radioactive metals to generate power now? It’s so much better!”
15. The Locals Are Too Happy!
This may be the number one reason that you should never set foot in the Netherlands, at least if you know what’s good for you. The people that live there happen to be some of the happiest people in the entire world. Look it up; they'’ve done surveys. As any good traveler knows, if there'’s one thing that'’s exceptionally annoying, it’s people who are uncontrollably happy. It’s like, what do you have to be happy about? Living in one of the most beautiful countries in the world, with a rich history and an amazing culture?
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